“…look you can’t just read your girlie mag and make comments about my ass and think you can get away with it.”
I look up from the magazine to the guy with “his keycard”.
“Doesn’t this look like her? Just remove the clothes, and imagine her bent over a bit…”
“I’m not going to stand for this kind of treatment. I’m going to call your supervisor.”
“Look here Caramel, I have every right to read my security mags at work while I keep an eye on the cameras and keep out the riffraff.”
During this, the hot Indian babe has stormed off out the front doors.
“I thought you should know, there is a bomb in my office, its right by the gas lines. You need to get the gas turned off and the building evacuated”
“I have no clue how to do that. Wow, now look at her. Gotta love those big breasted blondes.”
“Umm, yes very nice, but the gas…”
“Oh and the centrefold.”, I flip a few more pages, “Too many god damned ads. As if I don’t get enough emails about penis enlargement, mail order brides and escort services.”
“So about the bomb and turning off the gas… maybe you can call maintenance or your supervisor?”
“Yeah, yeah, one sec. I’m almost done with this story.”, I finish the story and pick up the commlink, “Hi Mike, it’s Art… well I got this guy here that says he has a bomb in his office and its placed right next to the gas line and he wants me to evacuate the building and shut off the gas… yes sir, right away Mike!”
I throw the magazine on the desk in annoyance, “Damn supervisor, thinks he’s all hot shit. Art do this, Art do that. Hey, do you mind pulling the fire alarm over there? Mike is calling 911 to alert them of the bomb. He said ‘Art call maintenance ext. 134.’ Although he might have added some colourful language to it, the stupid prick.”
“Hello maintenance, this is security. Hey, Mike wants you guys to shut down the gas main. Got a bomb report and supposedly its right next to the gas line. Ok, thanks.”
“So we found some evidence that there may have been a bomb in the general location you suggested but there’s nothing there now…”, the police bomb squad guy keeps talking but I zone out and look over at the magazine I left open on the desk. Its back on the picture of the hot Indian lady. I turn my head back to the police guy and see out of the corner of my eye Mike coming into the lobby. He looks pissed. The police guy sees him and steps back to the other guys who are still gathering up their gear.
“Art, what the fuck! Take your job seriously, I mean a bomb! And you have no fucking clue what to do! You even had a guy right there telling you. Turn the fucking gas off, evacuate the building and call 911!!! And what in the hell is that?!?”, he’s looking right at the magazine.
“It’s not mine Mike! Someone must have left it there when they evacuated the building.”, Mike picks up the magazine and closes it. He sees the cover Security Monthly.
“Art, I think you need to look for a new job. I’d suggest you hand in your resignation tomorrow morning. If not, I’ll take it up with management and you’ll be out on the street in a hurry with little in the way of job prospects in this town.”